We’ve all been there: locked eyes with a dreamy stranger at a coffee shop, at the gym, or while waiting for the bus, only to let the moment slip away because we’re not sure how to break the ice. It’s somewhat easy to flirt in bars or at parties where the social script is more forgiving, but how do you approach someone when you’re sober, in broad daylight, and surrounded by the chaos of everyday life ?

Enter Marissa Mullen and her brilliant invention, The Peter Method. Mullen, who’s usually known for her delicious food content on @thatcheeseplate, has introduced a dating strategy that’s as quirky as it is effective. Let’s dive into how this method works, why it might just be the secret weapon you need to turn those fleeting daydreams into real-life connections and some general yet potent advice for those seeking IRL connections. Grab a glass of wine, and let’s dive in…

The Peter Method: A Step-by-Step Guide

Step 1: Make Eye Contact and Assess the Situation

Spot someone who catches your eye and make eye contact. This is crucial—it’s the first step to gauging their interest and making sure they’re not just another passerby. Hold the gaze for a moment, and if they don’t immediately look away, you’re good to go!

Step 2: Introduce ‘Peter’

Approach them with a friendly demeanour, quizzical face and say, “Peter?” Most likely, they’ll reply with a polite “no,” and here’s where the magic happens. This step works well because it introduces an element of surprise and curiosity, without putting the other person on the spot.

Step 3: Pivot with a Playful Explanation

Quickly follow up with, “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry, you look so much like my friend’s cousin.” Or, in the case of Mia Sherin in an article for Elite Daily, she put her own lil’ spin on it and said  “Sorry about that. You look so much like someone I matched with on Hinge.”  These lines are disarming and funny, which helps in reducing any awkwardness that might follow. The goal here is to make them laugh or at least smile, setting the stage for a relaxed conversation. If they’re intrigued, they’ll ask, “Who’s your friend’s cousin?” or in the case of Mia’s approach, you’re able to communicate “I think you’re hot,” from the get go. Then it’s up to you to take it from there.

Why It Works :

The Peter Method is effective because it taps into several key principles of human interaction..

1. Curiosity: By asking if they’re “Peter,” or ” Someone I’d matched with ” you pique their curiosity. People naturally want to know more about unusual or unexpected situations.

2. Humor: The “I’m so sorry” line is playful and unexpected. Humor is a great icebreaker and helps in reducing any tension or nervousness.

3. Personal Connection: By mentioning a “friend’s cousin,” or a past match you create a personal touch that makes the conversation feel less formal and more spontaneous.

Full disclosure: Marissa Mullen admitted in her video that she’s never personally used the Peter Method due to social anxiety. This didn’t deter her from sharing the strategy though, and many of her followers chimed in with positive feedback about their own experiences using it. However, for those who aren’t comfortable with the Peter method, or just need some general advice/nudge in the right direction when approaching a beautiful stranger in the wild, I’ve got you covered below..

Prepare Your Mindset: Before you approach someone, remind yourself that rejection is not the end of the world. It’s simply part of the process. Everyone experiences it at some point, and it’s a natural part of dating. Embrace a mindset that views each interaction as a learning experience rather than a test of your worth.

Own Your Space: Establishing a confident presence is key. Stand tall, make eye contact, and avoid crossing your arms, which can make you seem closed off. A relaxed posture signals that you’re approachable and open for that interaction. 

Your Opening Line: Having a simple, engaging opener ready can help ease those pre-approach jitters. Think of something light and easy to say, like “Hey, I noticed you’re reading [Book Title]. I’ve been meaning to check it out—what do you think so far?.” It’s a non-intrusive ways to spark a conversation and show genuine interest.

The Power of a Smile: You’ve heard it before, but let’s reiterate: a genuine smile can work wonders. Smiling not only makes us appear more approachable but also conveys warmth and friendliness. Think of it as your personal “invite” to start a conversation. If you’re shy, and as silly as it sounds, practice your smile in the mirror. You’re aiming for a look that says, “I’m friendly and open to conversation,” not “I’m plotting world domination.” Basically, and in the wise words of Queen Serena Kerrigan, get rid of the resting bitch face. 

Ask for Help: People love to feel useful, so asking for a small favor or their opinion can be a great way to break the ice. Try something like, “I’m trying to decide which coffee to order. Do you have a favorite here?” It’s casual and non-threatening, and it opens the door for further conversation.

Compliment Sincerely: Genuine compliments are always appreciated. Instead of focusing on merely physical attributes, try complimenting something more personal, like “I love your sense of style. It’s really unique and suits you well.” These type of thoughtful compliments can make that initial interaction less superficial and more intentional. 

Be Direct : If you’re like me and have not an ounce of shame, or don’t find rejection that soul crushing, I suggest you do what I did back in the days of dating, walk straight up to that person, and say “ Hi, I’m ( insert your name here ) and I think you’re really attractive.” In my experience, a straightforward approach often works best as that level of directness shows a great deal of confidence. But I also know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and sometimes won’t be received well depending on the person, so I won’t fault you if that’s out of your comfort zone. 

At the very end of the day, I think there are 3 key things you need to keep in mind when out and about in the wild, hoping to make a IRL connection..

Practice Makes Perfect: Like any new skill, it gets easier with practice. The first few attempts might feel a bit clumsy, but they help you refine your approach.

Be Genuine: Quirky method or not, authenticity is crucial. Trying too hard to impress or adopting a persona that isn’t truly you can and will be counterproductive. Be honest about who you are, and let your genuine personality shine through. 

Expect the Unexpected: Sometimes, the person you approach might not respond as anticipated. That’s okay—sometimes the best connections come from unexpected encounters.

The world is full of opportunities my babe, and you never know where a simple “hello” might lead. Embrace the process, learn from each experience, and who knows? You might just find a connection that’s as real as the courage it took to make the first move. Until next time x