We’d all like to believe we’d spot a red flag from a mile away—like, duh, we’d never fall for the guy who “doesn’t believe in labels” but still wants to split a bed three nights a week. But the truth is… most red flags don’t show up waving. They show up winking. Holding a negroni. With great lighting and a playlist you weirdly vibe with.

And the worst part? Dating apps are literally designed to make us overlook them. With dopamine hits, hot pics, and vague-but-adorable bios like “looking for someone who can keep up,” we end up chasing potential instead of reality. By proxy, we end up dating projections, not people.

So, before you romanticize another emotionally unavailable hottie with a dog, a passport stamp, and “sarcastic” as a personality trait, it’s time for a reality check.

Here are the subtle red flags you’re definitely missing on dating apps—and how to spot them IRL before you end up wine-drunk, overthinking a one-word reply, and wondering how you got ghosted by someone who claimed they were “so ready for something real.” Grab a glass of that wine, and let’s dive in..

1. “I’m just seeing what’s out there.”

Translation: I want attention, not accountability.

This is dating app code for "I'm not emotionally available but love the ego boost." You’ll end up in a loop of vague flirty texts, no plans, and wondering if they’re still alive.

IRL version: They make eye contact all night at the bar… and never say hi. Next.

2. No bio, no prompts—just a headshot and a hope.

Translation: They want to be pursued… but have nothing to say.

No effort = no interest. If their entire personality is a gym pic and a Snapchat filter, they’re not looking to connect—they’re looking to be adored.

IRL version: The person who shows up to the date and lets you carry the convo like it’s a group project. Drop the syllabus and walk away.

3. “Let’s see where things go”

Translation: Nowhere. It’s going nowhere.

Look, we all love a little mystery. But this isn’t mysterious. It’s vague, noncommittal, and almost always a preamble to ghosting.

IRL version: They won’t pick the bar, won’t pick the time, and call it “go with the flow.” That’s just code for don’t hold me to anything.

4. “Fluent in sarcasm ”

Translation: I’ve confused emotional unavailability with humor.

This is the human version of a shrug. No depth, all deflection. If every answer is a joke, chances are they're the punchline.

IRL version: Roasts you mid-date and calls it flirting. Therapy, not a relationship, is the move here.

5. Their opening line is “Hey.”

Translation: They’ve put zero effort into this—and expect you to carry the interaction.

We’re not asking for Shakespeare. But at least pretend you want to be here? If someone can’t craft a sentence, they’re not ready for a real conversation—let alone a real connection.

IRL version: The guy at the bar who stands too close and just says, “So… what do you do?” Run.

So… What Should You Look For?

Profiles with effort - Not just a gym pic and a quote from The Office. We’re talking full sentences, actual thought, maybe even a touch of humor that didn’t come from a meme account. Effort = interest. If they can’t fill out three prompts, what are the chances they’ll show up for anything else?

Clear intentions- No “let’s see what happens” or “open to whatever” ambiguity. Look for people who know what they want—because clarity is sexy, and emotional whiplash is not.

Actual date suggestions - A walking green flag? Someone who moves the convo from “wyd” to “Want to grab a drink at [specific place] on Thursday?” Intentional people plan things. Lazy texters don’t date—you’re just their favorite Tuesday distraction.

Someone who treats you like a human, not a hobby - You’re not a side quest. You’re not content for their group chat. Look for someone who’s curious about you—your stories, your weird snack combos, your actual day—not just how hot you look in that one blurry Ibiza pic.

And here’s the kicker: you don’t need to swipe past 200 people to find it. That’s why we built First Round’s On Me. One match a day. 24 hours to plan the date. No breadcrumbing, no infinity-scroll, no “wyd?” energy. Just real people showing up—for real dates, in real life. Because chemistry doesn’t happen in your DMs. It happens across the table—with a drink in hand and your phone (for once) face down.

Remember… red flags don’t wave themselves. But if you listen—and look a little closer—you’ll see them. And if you’re over the games? You already know where to find us. Until next time x