The Costumes We Wear in Dating : Unmasking the Real You
Oct 28, 2024
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Hannah Feminella
Halloween gives us the perfect excuse to play dress-up and pretend to be someone (or something) we’re not. As we revel in the joy of embracing those alter egos, I thought it would be a great time to reflect on the masks we wear in our daily lives, especially those in the dating world. You see, the pressure to impress and present a polished version of ourselves is something that can get quite overwhelming. But if look a llil” deeper, can we actually say that polished version is really us? What if we’re so busy playing the role of “ideal date” that we forget to be our true selves? Grab a glass of wine, and let’s dive in..
The Masks We Wear in Dating
So, what’s the deal? Why do we feel compelled to present a glossed-up, edited version of ourselves? The answer lies in the fear of rejection and that desire to fit in. We want to highlight our best traits, showcase our most flattering angles, so we can avoid anything that might be deemed less than perfect. But in doing so, we’re often more focused on presenting an idealized version of ourselves rather than the genuine, imperfectly perfect person we truly are. Sure, the allure of an impeccably curated profile might draw people in, but it often leads to disappointment when the real-life version doesn’t quite match up.
I mean, let’s be real… we’ve all heard—or experienced—those dating horror stories where the reality doesn’t live up to the expectation. We literally coined a term for it - Catfishing. The profile picture that looked like a supermodel ends up being a few years (and several filters) old. Or the profile claiming to love hiking and adventurous activities reveals someone who’s more of a couch potato in reality. It’s not just disappointing; it’s downright awkward. The disconnection between the online persona and the real-life individual can make for a cringe-worthy encounter that leaves both parties feeling let down.
In the quest for genuine connections, authenticity is key. Instead of hiding behind a mask of perfection, let’s embrace our real selves. Here’s why:
Builds Trust: Being authentic from the start helps build trust. When you present yourself honestly, you’re setting a solid foundation for a meaningful connection. Your date will appreciate your transparency and feel more comfortable being themselves around you.
Reduces Disappointment: By being upfront about who you are, you’re less likely to encounter the disheartening moment when your date realizes you’re not what they expected. Authenticity helps manage expectations and leads to more genuine interactions.
Fosters Genuine Connections: Real connections are built on honesty and mutual understanding. When both parties are authentic, it’s easier to find common ground and build a relationship based on who you truly are, not who you’re pretending to be.
Empowers You: Embracing your true self is empowering. It allows you to be comfortable in your own skin and attract people who appreciate you for who you really are, rather than for a carefully crafted image.
Tips for Taking Off the Mask
Embrace Imperfections
Think of your imperfections as the unique quirks that make you who you are. Instead of hiding them, let them shine. Maybe you’re a terrible cook or you have an uncanny ability to trip over flat surfaces. Own it! Your quirks are part of your charm.Profile Photos: Less Photoshop, More Real Talk
Swap those over-edited selfies for candid shots that capture who you really are. Whether it’s a picture of you laughing with friends or caught mid-sneeze (hey, it happens), it’s more relatable than a perfectly posed photo. Your profile should reflect your everyday self, not just your best angles.Be Real, Not a Script Now, when you’re on a date with someone new, resist the urge to stick to rehearsed lines. Ask genuine questions and share real thoughts. If you’re nervous, admit it! Showing vulnerability is often more attractive than a flawless façade.
Be Honest About Your Intentions
If you’re looking for something serious, say it. If you’re just looking to meet new people and have fun, be upfront about that too. Clear communication helps avoid misunderstandings and sets the right expectations from the get-go.Show Up as You Are
If you’re more comfortable in sweats than in a designer outfit, don’t feel pressured to dress up for a date. Authenticity starts with feeling comfortable in your own skin—and that includes how you dress. Also, when you meet someone in person, resist the urge to impress with exaggerated stories or perfect responses. Be yourself and let the conversation flow naturally.Bio: Write What You Live
Craft a bio that tells a story about you, not just your favorite activities. Skip the clichés and get personal. Are you a coffee enthusiast with a penchant for bad puns? Or perhaps a movie buff who can’t stop quoting 80s classics? Share that! Authentic, connective, weird and wonderful bios attract people who resonate with your true self.Take the Pressure Off
Remember, dating is as much about discovering if someone else is a good fit for you as it is about them figuring out if you’re a match for them. So, take off the mask and relax. You’re here to connect, not to perform.
So this October, take a moment to reflect on how you present yourself in the dating world. Embracing the real you might feel like a departure from the polished persona you’ve been projecting, but it’s also a beautiful step toward connections that actually mean something. Until next time x
HJF for First Round's On Me