Let’s get one thing out of the way: dating can be exhilarating, electric, and yes, even a little addictive. But if you’re not checking in with yourself along the way, it can also feel like a soul-sucking rollercoaster with no seatbelt. And no, a half-decent Hinge match is not going to fix the underlying burnout, anxiety, or loneliness you’ve been dodging since last cuffing season.

We need to talk about mental health. Not in a vague, self-care-Sunday way. In a real, raw, have-you-had-enough-water-and-therapy-this-week way. Because dating is not therapy. Your potential partner is not your unpaid emotional support animal. And vibes are not a substitute for values.

1. Your Mental Health Sets the Tone for the Dates You Attract

You know what’s sexier than perfect lighting and a good outfit? Emotional regulation.When you’re taking care of your mind, you show up to dates with clarity instead of chaos. You ask better questions. You listen better. You’re not scanning for red flags through the fog of your own unresolved issues. You’re not trying to get someone to fix what only you can tend to.

So before you ask if they’ve been to therapy, ask yourself if you’ve been honest in your own.

2. Don’t Date from a Place of Emptiness

Ever dated just because you were bored? Or lonely? Or wanted someone to text you good morning? Same. But when you use dating to fill a void, you end up tolerating a lot of nonsense just to avoid silence.You deserve to date because you want to, not because you need to. Your emotional baseline shouldn’t be so depleted that any bare minimum behavior feels like magic.

Take care of yourself so your standards aren’t held hostage by your loneliness.

3. The Dating World Doesn’t Reward Overfunctioning

If you’re always the one initiating, planning, following up, and emotionally project managing every situationship you’ve been in—pause. This could be less about "no one wants to date seriously" and more about your own inability to sit in discomfort without over-performing for connection. That’s not chemistry. That’s codependency dressed in charm.

Healthy people won’t compete with your chaos. And if you don’t believe you’re worthy of mutual effort, you’ll keep chasing crumbs instead of expecting meals.

4. You Can Be Healing and Still Have Standards

Let’s stop pretending you need to be perfectly healed before you deserve a good partner. No one is perfectly anything. But there’s a difference between healing and hemorrhaging. 

You can have boundaries and baggage. You can have standards and softness. You just have to be honest about where you are, and date from a place of self-awareness instead of survival.

5. It’s Okay to Take a Break (Like, Actually)

If dating is making you anxious, cynical, or jaded—log off. Take a break. Reconnect with yourself, your routines, your joy. This isn't quitting. It's recalibrating.

The right people will still be there when you come back. But you'll be showing up as someone who’s grounded, not just grasping.

At the end of the day, you need to prioritize your peace. Heal what hurts. And remember: the best relationships don’t rescue you—they reflect the work you’ve already done. Now take a deep breath. Go for a walk. Text your therapist, not your ex. And always keep at the very forefront of your mind (and heart) that you deserve love. But more importantly, you deserve to feel like yourself when you're looking for it. Until next time x