Before the menus hit the table, before the awkward “Do we hug?” shuffle, before you’ve even sipped your drink—your attachment style has already RSVP’d.

And spoiler alert: it’s already scanning the room, adjusting its emotional armor, and silently deciding whether this person is safe, scary, or somewhere in between.

Whether you're breezing in with main character energy or clutching your phone like it’s life support, your attachment style walks in first—and it has a lot to say.

Grab a glass of wine, and let’s break it down…

1. Anxious Attachment: “Hi, I’m already picturing our wedding.”

You're there early. Not five minutes early—17 minutes early. You've already scoped the lighting, triple-checked your breath, and texted your best friend a screenshot of your date’s last message for tone analysis. You’ve also pre-selected your "laugh" and reviewed their Instagram just in case they forgot they posted a dog six weeks ago and you need a conversation lifeline.

You show up emotionally ready—to bond, to connect, to merge souls over a Margarita.

The moment they say “I’ve been single for a while,” you're nodding, smiling, and internally planning your joint Hinge deletion.

Your inner monologue? “I don’t want to seem too eager… but also, I need to know if you love me immediately.”

First date tip: Take a breath. This isn’t a job interview. You are not auditioning for their affection. Leave room for mystery. 

2. Avoidant Attachment: “This is fun, but let’s not make it mean anything.”

You're late. Fashionably, of course. You “forgot” to confirm, arrived breezy, and laughed off your lateness like time is just a social construct (which, honestly, is kind of hot?). You say things like, “I don’t usually date” or “I’m not really looking for anything serious”—but also somehow maintain intense eye contact and ask emotionally probing questions between sips of Negroni.

You're charming. Chill. Effortlessly cool. But emotionally? Wrapped in 18 layers of bubble wrap.

Your vibe is: “I’ll flirt with you all night but panic if you text me ‘good morning’ tomorrow.”

Your inner monologue?

“I like them… but do I like them? Or am I just enjoying being liked? Should I fake a work emergency?”

First date tip: Vulnerability doesn’t mean weakness. You can enjoy intimacy without drafting your emotional escape plan.

3. Secure Attachment: “Let’s see where this goes.”

You know you’re securely attached on a first date if:

• You showed up on time, calm, and actually excited to meet someone new

• You’re curious, grounded, and okay with a little silence

• You're not performing, you’re just… being

Your energy is refreshing. You’re not auditioning—you’re connecting. And shockingly? You’re actually having fun.

Your inner monologue? - “If we click, great. If not, I still had a good time. Either way, I’m getting dessert.”

You can sit in a conversation without spiraling. Wild. Iconic. We salute you.

First date tip: Keep doing you. And please write a book or start a support group. We need you.

4. Fearful-Avoidant (Anxious-Avoidant): “Come close… now go away.”

You know you’re rocking a fearful-avoidant style if:

• You’re oscillating between “They’re definitely The One” and “I think I’m gonna ghost them after this drink”

• You ask deep, probing questions then change the subject when they return the favor

• You cancel three times, show up anyway, and leave unsure if you want to see them again—or marry them

You’re a walking push-pull. Intensity? Yes. Safety? Please. Vulnerability? Not today.

Your inner monologue? “I want them to open up… but not too much. I want connection… but what if they betray me?”

First date tip: Notice when fear is steering the wheel. You’re worthy of real connection—even if it feels a little terrifying.

The truth is, your attachment style doesn’t just shape how you love—it shapes how you date. It colors how you interpret silence, eye contact, even that moment when they check their phone. And while we can’t fully rewire ourselves overnight, we can get curious.

Ask yourself:

• Am I here to connect, or to protect myself?

• Am I reading between lines that don’t exist?

• Am I chasing a bond or pushing it away before it even starts?

Because showing up aware is the real main character move. Until next time x